


To the hot headed brat

by Sailingdreameater



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Abandoned Work - Unfinished and Discontinued, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, M/M, Reincarnation, Tags May Change, another reincarnation fic, give it a chance though, of course, what do you know?!
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-04-26
Updated: 2017-06-11
Packaged: 2018-10-24 05:28:27
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 10
Words: 10,687
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10735086
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Sailingdreameater/pseuds/Sailingdreameater
Summary: Isn't it preferable to have just one life and pass on to hell or heaven or whatever other place after you die? It sure sounds better than being reincarnated. At the very least, if one was to be reincarnated, memories of past life need not be remembered lest it disrupts your current life. Yet Eren cannot catch a break. What's worse is that the only other people who remember and are alive are his father and Freida. Both don't like talking about it. Though in all honesty, he is the one who suffered the most comparing to the both of them in the past life. For now, Eren has to drag along a body younger than himself and go to school. School. For children. Which is far below his level. Dammit! It's preferable if he just drops out........ No. Mother will kill him. Ergo, he goes on to school as a middle schooler.[PLEASE NOTE: This work is discontinued]





	1. Chapter 1

It was all over. The war, the Marley Empire, the struggles of the Eldians. For the most part, we were now free of all the issues we faced. Within the span of six to seven years, the world assumed the existence of Eldians and Titans to be a rumor. We were finally free to live as we pleased. Most of the Eldians who were originally from the Marley Empire joined forces with us. The rest passed away. That included Reiner and Annie. Even Zeke. Eren was never the same after the war. He never came out of his room and never spoke a word. He rarely ate. Sasha took her own life after Connie had died in the war. Jean, we found out had recurring hallucinations of Marco and of recent, Sasha and Connie too. In fact he’d hallucinate about all of those who passed away. We’d hear him scream occasionally and talk to no one in particular. Captain Levi (who insists we stop calling him captain) and Vice commander Hanji would visit us occasionally. While Hanji would try cheering us up and help us in motivating Eren to move on, Levi would drag a chair near Eren and read silently. No matter what we did, Eren wouldn’t budge. Mikasa would cry on an almost daily basis and I would shed some tears now and then too. It hurt us to see Eren like this.

Soon after, Levi had taken his life too. It came as a surprise to us that the captain would take his own life. We had always assumed he was strong enough to bear anything. Though we understood. He left a note addressing all the members in his squad and Hanji. It was the most heartwarming letter I had ever read. As we left for the funeral, we left the letter in Eren’s room and told him to come with us. Needless to say, he didn’t budge.

Just as the funeral begun, a miracle occurred. Eren had come along. We are glad. After that, Eren had slowly begun to go back to his true self. He helped us when our nightmares were tormenting us. When he had his own nightmares to deal with, we would support him. Soon Eren’s time was up. He decided that he would rather die with the coordinate power than give it to someone else and we agreed.

********************

All those who passed away among us were given a great funeral by the beach back in our island. This time, it was going to be me. I had given my last goodbye to everyone. I give this journal to Historia for safe keeping and await my freedom with open arms.

                                                                                        This book had belonged to Armin Arlert. It must be kept safe for all times to come.

*****************************

I woke up before the alarm went off just when the sun’s first rays reached my bed through my window. It was force of habit from back then. I sighed as I forced my sleep deprived body to get up. Last night was better. I got four hours of sleep this time.

I had gotten up on the second try this time. Today was going to be good day. As I got my bag down with me to the kitchen, I wordlessly began cutting the vegetables that were kept aside by mother. As I looked sideways, I saw her busy stirring the curry she was making. She noticed me and smiled.

“You’re up early this time, Eren.” She stated. I smiled.


	2. Chapter 2

“You’re up early this time, Eren.” She stated. I simply smiled at her and went back to cutting the vegetables.

Most of the times I’d want to spend time with her. I had enough regret to last a lifetime. This time around I spend a lot of time talking with her, doing chores, cooking, or simply maintaining the garden. I wouldn’t want to hurt her feelings and hence do whatever she wishes of me.

After some time, father had come out of his room ready to go with mother to work.

“Good morning Carla, Eren.” He smiled at us. We greeted him back. It was like back then with the exception of Mikasa. I missed her. After eating I was on my way to school.

**************************

All throughout the lessons I space out. When I listen, I feel like I would probably strangle someone. Honestly, school is exceedingly boring when there are no challenges. Armin is there though! He was the one of the few who I had the luck of seeing. Even better luck, he is not only my age, he is in all my classes. All. Of. Them. People think we are joined at the hips. Not just the two of us though. Jean, Gabi, Armin _and_ me. Fortunately or unfortunately, I’m the only one who remembers. I sigh with resignation. I’m not meant to be here. Armin notices me sighing and raises his eyebrow. I shake my head and look at the teacher. He let’s go and pays attention to class.

************************

As we go down the hall we see Jean and Gabi. Jean gets in between me and Armin and puts his arms around us. Gabi starts chattering about her boring class. I catch a few bits of their conversations.

“……And then the teacher came so close, I could see his nose hair from…..”

“You asked for it, Gabi. You kn………”

“……..But…………..Lame…….. Maths can’t……….” A sigh.

“What’s with Eren today?”

“Huh?” That caught my attention.

“Oh he has gone into one of his moods today. He has been like that since this morning,” was Armin’s reply.

“I see.” That was Jean.

“Have I now, Armin?” I mused. “I have not noticed. I apologize. Has anything interesting happened to our comrades?”

All three share glances. “Oookaaay,” Jean drawled with confusion. “When did you become a 1880s military man?”

I realized my mistake but before I could clear the error Armin interfered.

“You know this is not the first time he behaved like Aragorn from LOTR, Jean.”

“Hey!”

“Yeah. It’s not new to see him act like Knight from the Victorian era.” That was Gabi.

“HEY!”

“You know, I’m surprised you even knew that there even _were_ knights in the Victorian period.”

“Hey!”

“Okay, first of all. Why thank you Armin for comparing me to Aragorn. Secondly, I was reading a book and I happened to pick up the language from the book without thinking,” I lie hoping that I convinced them. Saying I have memories from a past life would only get me placed in a mental ward. They buy the lie and I sigh in relief internally. The conversations go back to pointless school activities and I partially tune them out.

********************

We have gym as the last period and I feel glad that there at least one class that I find interesting. We have warming up first and of course I beat everyone by a mile.

“Jeager is going ninja again!” I hear a comment and roll my eyes. When you have to survive and save your comrades, you automatically run as fast as you possibly can. Over time, you naturally become fast.

The next was stretching.

“Woah! Look at Jaeger!”

“Oh my god! Eren is doing a split. He is so hot when he’s flexible.”

I click my tongue in annoyance and continue stretching.

Next the girls are allowed to play volleyball while us guys were asked to play were asked to play football. It was fun. Soon the bell rang and it was time to head home. Just as I was about to go to the locker room, Gabi ran towards me. We share gym you see.

“Eren. You and me are gonna have hand to hand combat right now!” Gabi exclaims. I smile and she smirks.

“Alright.” We went outside to the more isolated part of the school. Jean tagged along when we saw us and was sipping on a juice carton. Armin was the referee.

“This time I’m going to take you down.” She states boldly. I smile once more. I was the one who taught her hand to hand combat.

As we were allowed to commence, she goes head on towards me with her fists. I dodge and she continues to through punches. As I dodge she tries to surprise me with a round house kick. I catch her leg and pull it towards me before using my open palm to push her face to the ground. I place her there and she struggles to move. I straddle her waist.

“You know, you shouldn’t just go directly like that. Strategize your moves.”

“That’s not fair! You don’t even fight. That is totally _not_ hand to hand combat!” I chuckle.

“I told you before. I won’t land a punch on you until you land one on me. You were the one who wanted to learn offence before defense.”

“Yeah, yeah. I remember. Now get off me. We are having another match.”

I get off of her and offer my hand which she takes and gets up. “We’ll continue when we get home. I need to take a shower now. I stink.”

“Okay.” She relents.

***************************

As I head out of the shower and get to the front gates of the school to meet up with everyone, I see a familiar ravenette pass by me. A red headed girl and a blonde guy walk beside him. I turn to face him. I need to know………

“Captain Levi…….”


	3. Chapter 3

“Captain Levi…….”

The guy turns questioningly at me and I get the familiar knots in my stomach. ‘He most definitely won’t remember me.’

“Do I know you?” He asks and my suspicion is confirmed. A sense of lethargy fills me. Of course he wouldn’t remember. I shake my head before answering him.

“No it’s just that you look a lot like someone I used to know. Sorry.” I smile and he raises a brow. ‘Please don’t be doubtful. Please don’t be doubtful.Pleasedon’tbedoubt-‘

“You called me by my name.”

-ful’ I sigh internally….. And also scream. He looks younger this time around, though no less scary.

“Ah- No I said Rivaille. I meant Rivaille. A French guy.” I lie in an instant.

“My name _is_ Rivaille and I _am_ French.” He states. Well shit. ‘Ahhh think of some lie quick Eren! He can’t find out. He’ll think you are crazy. He’ll tell on you and you’ll be put in an asylum. You won’t be able to find Mikasa, Connie, Sasha, Historia, or anyone else. Shit! Crap! What do I do? What do I-‘

“You look like you are constipated.”

“Eh?” ‘What did he just say?’

“I asked whether you were constipated. Calm yourself.”

“I-ah-umm-I gotta go.” I ran. I fucking ran for my life. I’m _not_ going to be put in an asylum in this life.

Just as I ran I heard the short one speak. She was pretty loud so you wouldn’t miss her words.

“What a weird guy!”

“How did he know your name though?” The blonde one asked.

“Beats me.”

**********************

As I was catching my breath I saw Jean walking up to me. He handed me a canned coffee that he knows I like.

“What took you so long and why were you running?” He asked.

“So many. Damned. Questions.” I grated out. “I was chased by a dog.”

“Inside school premises?”

“No.” I looked him dead in the eye. “Outside.”

“If you were outside, why didn’t you meet up with us?”

“Jean, no more questions please” I opened the can and took a sip before walking forward to meet with Armin and Gabi. Jean followed.

“What took you so long?” Armin asked.

“He was chased by the fangirls.” Jean stated. To keep up appearances I sighed and nodded in agreement. The topic was left at that.

This was why Jean is my best friend. He is the only one who knows well. When he senses that I would rather not talk about something, he lets it slide. He is the only one whom I had told parts of from our past life. It suffices to say that he did not believe me…… At first. We have known each other since we when we could remember. He was my neighbor growing up. Though now he had shifted homes to a house a little farther from my home or school. Back then we’d have play dates and he’d sleep over. My parents wouldn’t encourage it though as I used to have violent night terrors. I still do but I cope up with it. We’d fight against my parents defending that it would be more comfortable to _have_ somebody with me rather than be alone. We’d almost always win. At first, it actually did help having Jean sleep next to me. The fourth time he came over, I had visions. I cried and screamed and began scratching at Jean. He was terrified. He ran out of my room crying and called my parents. They couldn’t even wake me up. My father intervened then and made sure everyone was out of my room before closing the door and wait for my fit to end.

When I woke up I was told Jean had gone back home and we didn’t talk for a week.

Soon after, we reconciled but he still refused to sleep over at my house. As a child I was disheartened. After about a year, we began sleeping over at each other’s homes again. This time around Jean would just push me off the bed when that happened. Yeah. True friend. Every time I had the dreams, I’d tell him. Sometimes, I wouldn’t though. I omitted parts that I felt he would not wish to hear. Like about Marco. We’d occasionally fight too and when we did, the whole area was a colossal mess. Heh! Colossal. Oh the irony!

When we were about seven, Armin transferred into our school. We have been close friends ever since. We met Gabi at the beginning of Middle school. She reminded me of how I used to be as a child in my past life. I’d never actually felt like I had a childhood this time around as I happened to gain memories right from when I could remember. It didn’t bother me as much as it should. I was glad that all of the people I care for are alive.

As I was heading back home with them, I remembered I didn't ask Captain Levi why he was there nor did try to get his contact. I sighed. I may not see him again. This is what happens when you panic.


	4. Chapter 4

Remember how I said I might never see the captain again....... Well I saw him today. I saw him quite a bit. He had introduced himself in our German class today. As I presumed he was a new student. He had noticed me in class and his eyes narrowed. I gulped. He was glaring at me every instance I noticed him (or was it staring?). Walking to my locker, he was there. At lunch, he was there. At gym, he was fucking there! I was glad I saw him again but honestly, he is pretty scary when he keeps glaring at you. This goes on for a week and I'm getting sick of it. Finally I decide to confront him about it.

It was before our shared class, German. I spotted him and called out to him. He looked at me suspiciously but didn't move. I walked over to him and asked him directly. Luckily he was slightly secluded.

"Why do you keep staring at me?" I ask.

"How do you know my name?" He retaliates and I get flustered.

"I-I ahhh..."

"Well, I'm waiting," he states as he crosses his arms.

"Well, Armin is the head of the student body so he told me that that you were joining!" I blurt out.

"You know that isn't a good lie." He states and I panic and then all of this gets a lot more exhausting.

"CAN YOU JUST DROP IT!" I notice I yelled and lowered my voice, " I already have a lot on my plate. I assumed it was you because there can only be one new French guy at our school."

He looks at me for a few seconds before nodding. "I'll drop it-"

"Thank god! And stop watching me."

"I wasn't done talking." His voice went low and I almost yelped. "I will drop it on one condition...."

I looked at him like he just grew a pair of tentacles. "What condition?" I asked thanking the universe that my voice didn't quake. He smirked.

"You and your friends are eating lunch with Farlan, Isabel and I every day."

I blink. "That's all! That's fine then." I then get a little worried. Will he accept another request? "Can you also...... Um-Not ask too many questions? I'm not too comfortable with that. I'm a little weird." I laugh nervously rubbing the back of my neck.

He nods. " I will not unless it involves me or my friends and even then if I do ask if you are uncomfortable with it, then I'll stop. Though, if I _do_ find it interesting to ask you, then I will."

I get nervous but I nod and thank him before going to get my books from my locker.

Our arrangement began from then on though I made sure I don't act suspicious in front him.

***********************

I was alerted about my surroundings when the teachers announced that the result for the exams would be given. It was history. The teacher went around giving the papers. Armin nudged me and gave me knowing smile. I rolled my eyes. The teacher gave Armin his paper and he discreetly showed it to me. It was a A+. The teacher came to my seat and looked at me. She looked very disappointed.

"Eren, you have to bring your parent to collect the paper." Saying this she walked up to the board. Armin looked at me and raised a brow but I merely shrugged. Hey! It happens. The rest of the class was uneventful. We got all our papers today and I passed all except math. Farlan and Isabel were surprised to see I had failed both my strong subjects. Even Levi looked surprised to a certain extent.

School went in a blur after that. I was bored as usual. Gym was the only interesting period. It actually surprised me to see that Levi kept away from sports. He would sit to the corner of the gym and only barely do any activity. We were supposed to have a race this time in gym and no one was allowed to slack off this time. Mister Shadis was finally tired of all the girls slacking off and ogling the guys. Yes, out all the people I found from our past life, Keith Shadis was one of them......And Rico was our principle. As we were stretching on the tracks a sense of nostalgia hit me and made up my mind. I went over to talk to Levi.

"Hey, Levi?"

"What is it?"

"Let's race to see who is the fastest among us."


	5. Chapter 5

"Let's race to see who is the fastest among us."

He raises a brow. "What makes you I'm an actual competition much less compete with you?"

I sigh exasperatedly. "Oh please Levi! Just do it at least to humor me?! Don't act like Annie."

"Who is Annie?"

I shrug. "Just a girl I used to know."

"Alright any set of ten can come up to the tracks now. After that, the next set of ten will run. Now move it!" That was Mister Shadis. I hear collective groans and walk up to the tracks. I can feel Levi stare at me and I smirk. I'm happy to see that he came to one of the tracks. Armin was there too.

"All right. On your marks. Get set." Shadis then blows his whistle and we run. I run like there are titans I need to kill, comrades I need to save. I run as fast as my legs can take me. I take a peek at Levi. He is running behind Armin aND ARMIN IS THE SLOWEST AMONG US! I was a way ahead of everyone but I stopped. I walked back to Levi. Everyone was confused to see me walk back even Armin as he knew how competitive I would be. Levi looks at me like this was normal and I was the one going crazy. I'm so mad right now yet I try to keep it in check.

I take a shaky breath as Levi and Armin stop. I positively glare at Levi. "Why? Why are you not running?" I ask keeping my voice low so no one would hear us.

Levi looks at me blankly. "I don't get what you are implying. I can only run as fast as I can."

"You are not even trying!" I yell.

"Who said I'm not trying? And what makes you think I'm even competing with you?" He says it so calmly and my eyes fill up with tears threatening to fall down my cheeks. Damnit! Why do I my eyes get all watery when I'm really angry? It just gives off the wrong impression. I try to compose myself and let my hair cover my eyes.

"Is that so? Fine then." Saying this I walk out of the grounds and into the locker room. Everyone was staring.

***************

I'm staring at the dripping shower head lost in thought. Maybe Levi was telling the truth. He is not the same as he once was. He is not the same Captain of the Special operations squad. There was no need for him to run. No necessity like I had. Had is the key word. Even I don't need to anymore. I don't even know why I'm even doing something like this. In all honesty, I'm tired of all this reincarnation. I sigh.

*************************

By the time I come out of the locker room, I notice that everyone had gone home. Even though I was popular in school, everyone knew better than to mess with me when I'm angry.

I look around to if Gabi or Armin was waiting for me. I didn't see them so I sighed again and took out my phone to text them.

"If you are looking for your friends, I asked them to leave without you." I jumped. Turning around I saw Levi.

"Maria! You just startled me. Don't do that!"

"It's Levi, not Maria. Check your eyesight." I scoffed. "And how many girls do you have around you? Gabi, Annie and now Maria?"

"What? No! I don't even like girls!"

"So you like guys then...."

"NO!" I then get embarrassed, "I'm not that into dating. I never umm- thought about it that much and even when I did, I didn't find the appeal in it. There is no one I like in that way...." I look to the ground.

"Well, whatever. So I take that you are not upset anymore but anyways I'm sorry."

I look up at him. "Oh no! I'm not angry at you." I look sheepish, "Sorry, I lose my cool easily and don't think right when I talk in anger."

"Don't be sorry. You were right actually. I didn't even try. So do you wanna race right now?"

"I gape at him and then I smile. "Yeah sure."

We go over to the tracks. As we run, I notice that both of us are neck and neck. I smirk and run as fast as I can. Levi won the race by just a few inches. I smile at that and sink to the ground. I haven't that fast in weeks.

Levi walks up to me and I can see him breathing hard and sweating. He is smiling and I am taken aback by that. The captain rarely smiles.....

"Why did you want to run just so you can lose? Are you a masochist?" I huff laugh at that. "Or do you just want a competition worth your while?"

"Yeah..... I did." I didn't want him to find the truth.

He hit the top of my head. " Liar."

I'm shocked but I let it go. He really can't be fooled easily. "I'll tell you someday. I'll tell you everything." He just hummed and I'm glad he let it slide for now. I'm curious though so I ask. "How come you run so fast?"

"That's easy. I just run like my life depended on it."

At that I cry. I cry like a baby. Damnit! Getting emotional now in front of the Captain. Levi just pats my head sit beside me. I'm happy he doesn't ask me anything. Really happy.


	6. Chapter 6

We had gone to high school. Gabi had moved to Germany with her parents and Farlan was with us. This year Levi is with us. Unfortunately that meant Isabel was stuck with two more years in middle school before she came to high school. She was grumpy a lot. Levi and I had become closer. It was weird to talk to my former captain like a friend _younger_ than me none the less. It was better to know your former superior I supposed. This time around also, we shared German class but only that. Nothing else.

The day was going normally yet Levi was grumbling under his breath. To any onlooker it seemed like he was positively murderous. On asking him during lunch, he gave the most vague answer possible.

"They are coming today."

I didn't get it..... Until after school. We were walking out of school premises when a sudden force from the side pushed Levi and for a minute there I got scared to find Levi missing from my side. On further inspection I see a short haired brunette with glasses. The brunette goes on talking at a higher volume than Isabel (which is saying something) and bear hugging Levi. He _now_ looked positively murderous. Jean and Armin just blinked in confusion while I smiled and....."Hanji!"

......And that is my cue to curse my own stupid mouth as all of them look at me. Hanji gets excited and her cheeks flush pink with excitement. "Oh? Who might you be? Raviole here didn't tell me anything! Bad Ravioli! How do you know my name by the way?"

Crap! "Umm- Levi told me you were coming today."

Hanji looked at Levi."Did he now? Aww Levi, you really _are_ excited that I'm coming here!"

Levi gave me a look before pushing Hanji off. "Not as much excited as much dreading."

She pouted at that. "Don't be mean Ravioli!" She then turned to us, "So as you know, my name is Hanji Zoe. What's all your names?"

Jean silently whispered, "Is it safe to give our names?" I nudged him.

I smiled. "I'm Eren Yeager."

"Jean Kirstein."

"I'm Armin Arlert. It's nice to meet you."

"It's nice to meet you all too."

" 'They' and 'them' pronouns right?" I asked.

She smiled brightly. "Yeah. Thank you."

And that was how I came to find Hanji. While I was happy to see them, it was also understood that they didn't have memories either. I sighed with resignation.

Armin looked at me with a raised eyebrow. I shook my head and muttered a 'It's nothing' to him.

************************

Just as we were parting ways from Hanji and Levi, he asked Hanji to go on without him and that he'd catch up with them. He then dragged me to a secluded area of the school ground just as Hanji left.

"What?" I asked.

He stared at me before answering. "I never told you about Hanji."

Oh crap! Okay, handle this carefully Yeager. "Yeah, why didn't you tell me about Hanji? They seemed fun to talk to." I look at him accusingly.

"That's not what I meant. I never gave their name to you. How do you know. You seemed to know my name too back then. Were you stalking us?" I visibly shrunk under his glare.

"I-I didn't okay! I just know things......."

He pushed me to wall and my back hit it hard and I notice Levi glaring at me. The ache was enough for me to snap. I glare back at him. "You know what? I'm done." I push him back and throw my hands in the air in exasperation and frustration. "Screw you. I don't need to answer you. Just go on living your life alright?! I don't even know why this is happening! It's not my fault I know your names! I can't go on like all of you. Oblivious to everything...." My eyes start to water. "Oblivious to... to.... I'm sorry. I need to go. You promised you wouldn't ask if I asked you not to so please. I'm begging you to just let. It. Go." With that I move away from him. I notice that he is shocked and confused at my outburst but he soon recovers from it. He grabs my hand and roughly yanks it. That's when everything gets fuzzy.

"Let. Go." I grit out.

"No. Tell me for how long you have been stalking us? What do you know?"

The edges of my vision gets blurry and blends around like the sky and clouds. I barely notice myself begging for him to leave me alone before everything turns black.

**************************

I wake up in my room as my blanket falls down my person. Running my hand through my hair I get up. Looking at my phone I note that it has become a week since that day. I wonder if Hanji went back to France and I sigh. I should've gotten their number. Maybe some of the other guys would've gotten it.

When I meet my mother downstairs, she smiles at me like nothing happened. Like I didn't just black out for a few days. She might've just thought I was in one of that moods.

****************************

At school Armin looked worried as usual but Jean just treated it like normalcy. Farlan was confused and Levi was more distant than before to me. Though I may have seen him pass a worried look or two (or at least that was what it looked like) during the whole of the German class. I decided to remove the awkward air around us so in lunch, I started conversations and put a cheery front. Soon everything was back to how it was and I was glad....... Until after class. Levi had again secluded me. I sighed in annoyance and exasperation. I let my cheery facade drop going for my normal look. The trademark scowl on my face as I wait for his questions to begin.

"What is it this time Levi? Was I not behaving in a socially accepted way or are you convinced beyond belief that I'm stalking you."

He looks at me blankly but for a second there, I could see his utter confusion at my sudden change in attitude. "You seem different now. You are back to how you were now."

I sigh and rub my face with both my hands. I plop down at the nearby bench and I see Levi sit next to me from the corner of my eye. "You noticed."

He scoffed. "Of course I noticed. You did the same thing... Back in middle school. You were...... Aloof. Not present. you wouldn't speak, wouldn't respond to anyone's call. You worried us all." Worried? "That day when I tried shaking some sense in you, it was like trying to get answers from a rock. You were off. What is going on Eren. "

I take peek at him and I'm honestly stunned. I've never seen such raw worry in the captain's face. I groan and fix my gaze at my dirty shoes.

"Have you ever wondered what happens if and when you die? Do we go to heaven, hell,-"

"I'm not religious."

I nod. "Have you ever wondered if reincarnation was a possibility?"

He raised a brow. "What are you implying?" He asked cautiously. I look at him waiting for an answer. He sighed. "No. I don't."

I smirked. "Thought so." I look at the sky, "I'm not implying anything. I'm just wondering how I might sound to you if I told anything. I'm not too fond of asylums or psychologists. So, I won't tell you anything. Like I said, I'm not entitled to tell you anything. You can't order me anymore...." Saying that I get up to go.

"Wait for one fucking second!" I turn to look at Levi. He looked positively pissed. "You go ahead and say something suspicious and then go on begging not to be questioned on it. Make me think you are a stalker, have mood swings. Change your behavioral pattern and become an unresponsive _fuck_. Then when you _do_ respond to us, you act like you don't fucking care that any of that happened and when I ask for an explanation you walk off or avoid it without even giving me a chance to decide whether or not I would find what you say is crazy or not. Why do you get to decide for me? All I'm asking for is answers. I told you I would ask you if I'm interested and you told me you'd tell me everything someday. Now is someday. So _tell me!_ "

I look at him shocked at his outburst. I look down, "You won't believe me."

"Try me."

I look at him and then sigh in defeat. "Fine. It's long story let's go up to the roof."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> To be honest, I didn't edit any of the previous chapters. I'm too lazy to edit them now. If there are any more errors, just ignore them.


	7. Chapter 7

"Fine. It's a long story so let's go up to the roof." He nods and we go.

The climate was sultry. There were no breezes and it just made telling the story even more difficult to say.

"From when I could remember, I've had memories.... Memories of times that I shouldn't know of. Have you heard of a group of people called the Eldians?" He shook his head. "Well.........

I told him all about the Eldians, the titans, Ymir, the titan shifters, our roles in that world. At the mention of Kenny and Erwin, He said that they were people he knew. Kenny was his uncle this time around too. He listened asking questions occasionally.

"So, you are the only one who remembers all this then?"

"Well... No. My father remembers too and so does Frieda. They were all the people who held the founding titan's power. Apparently, so did her grandfather Uri. He was her uncle in the past life. They don't like talking about it though."

We remained silent for a second to let what I said sink in. "There's more isn't there?" He asks.

I look at him and then look back at the high fence around the roof's edge. "What makes you think that?"

He looks at me pointedly. I laugh though I can feel my throat constrict.

"Yeah. You're right. So you know how we all are Eldians and that I died with the founding power?"

"We were Eldians not anymore but go on."

"Yeah. So Um-We have reincarnated but I....." I choke. My wind pipe constricting in the most painful way possible and I subtly try to mouth breath without Levi noticing anything. It didn't work.

"Eren, How many times have you reincarnated." He looked at me with a sort of fragility that made it feel like I needed to convince him otherwise.

"I don't remember exactly." I whisper and let out a shuddering breath. He pats my head and I'm torn between crying and feeling calmed.

"Don't continue if you can't. I'm sorry I forced you to tell me when you are not ready," he mumbles.

"Don't be sorry. I was just scared of being put in a home."

"That's another thing. Why are you worried about being put in an asylum?" I laughed at that.

"Would you let me finish!" He mumbled an apology and I shook my head amused. I then sobered up. "I don't know how many times I reincarnated but I know it's frequency. From what I recall, it happened every time I died. The first time, I was born by the end of the world war one. I was born in the more poverty stricken areas but luckily passed away later on in the mid of my twenties. The next birth, I was more lucky. I was born to an aristocratic family so food wasn't a problem. Though my attitude got a lot of scorn. I was shunned by my family till I decided I'd listen to all their whims and fancies. And yeah, I was a woman. I didn't want to get married but I did. To a horrid pedo. The worst part was he raped me and I had to have his kids. The kids were okay I guess.... A little spoilt though I supposed it was because we were rich. I lived longer than the douche and that was bit of a luck. The guy had the nerve to cheat on me and what a spot he was in! He got sick and died. I'm pretty sure it was an STD." Levi's eyes widened. "It was still better than starving I supposed and getting sick often. I had revolted against a king in the next life but was killed. Up till then I hadn't gotten memories of my past lives but that time around, I did. I had pushed it all down in a mask of indifference as I was taught to never be open about my feelings. It was pretty confusing as I could remember how it was being a woman. I was never more conflicted about what I was. I often cared for women, make sure they weren't mistreated. That actually got me their support in the revolt and everyone supported me. We had fought hard and I was one of the last to die. I don't know if we won or not. I didn't know who took over control since I died before I could take it.

"I lived another life after that without memories. In that, I had a relatively normal life. The only thing I didn't like was being forced into marriage. I couldn't possibly love someone I didn't care for but no one would have that. They believed that I would love the person over time and I did, like a sister. She was always silent about it but I saw her hurting. She soon got over it. I even encouraged her finding true love out of our marriage. She was appalled but agreed. We felt that was the best decision we'd ever taken. She was happy, I was happy. The next, world war was going on and I was a nazi. Yup. Not proud of what I did. Saw our failure and got hanged. I couldn't have felt more proud for the wrong reason. I proudly stated what I did. Yeah.... I was... Yeah. Well, after that I lived an uneventful life. I was a girl again and for a change actually fell in love with a guy. A childhood friend actually. Lived happy, good memories. Then my next life crashed like a dead weight. I had all my memories. I was still in love with the guy. Hugo was his name. Falling out of love was pretty hard. Not to mention you are a guy and fell in love with one, that was pretty fucked up at that time. I had a friend back then..... I don't remember his name though. I trusted him and I told him everything. Next thing I knew, I was put in an asylum. And this asylum was pretty off compared to others. It was situated in the middle of a forest. Do you even know what they do in asylums?" I looked at Levi who shook his head. I could see him struggling to swallow this bit of information. I swallowed a lump in my throat. This part was always difficult to come out and say.

"They torture you. Give you pills that actually make you sick. Make you hallucinate." I snorted. "Like I didn't already hallucinate! Anyways.... Yeah. They did quite a bit. They broke me and that was first time I actually thought running away was a better idea than fighting. Which I did.... Try. I got the shock treatment after that. I tried running one more time after that. Failed again. They killed me. I had lived another life. Now when I think about _that_ life, it was better than the previous one. I was genderfluid. Obviously, I was hated on. It was pretty shitty. I committed suicide. One other life after that, I was asexual. Luckily the people liked the idea of being devoted to god and choosing a life of celibacy. Had a good time in that life actually. I only vaguely remembered parts of my previous lives. Had good, _trustworthy_ friends I had all that I asked for.

"Levi, I've lived a lot of lives, lived with different intentions, different genders, different goals, views, and not in all of them did I have my memories. This is the only life I'm actually pretty happy to live in. All of the people I knew are here _and_ if father and Frieda remembers something, then it's all true and I'm not crazy. Mother was scared actually, when I kept trying to talk about all of this. She told me I needed to go to the psychologist. That shut me right up. Father was just as bad. He had gone to a psychologist as a child only to give up by lying about it being a part of his imagination and not real. He's- he really doesn't like talking about it. I mean, he lost both his wives and caused a lot of troubles. He had to entrust the weight of the future of Eldians on his nine year old son. To be honest, these memories, they feel like I watched very impressionable movies. They just stay there at the back of my mind. So, yup. That was my past. Good times." I end on a sarcastic note.

I look at Levi carefully. Watching as he sat stunned. I sigh for what seemed like the twentieth time today. "You aren't going to freak out are you?"

He snapped out of his trance and frowned. "Why would I? If anything, you would." I huff a laugh.

"Yeah."

"Does anyone else know?"

"Jean does but I omitted parts like Marco's death or you know, Sasha or Connie. Armin knows only our past life not the whole of mine." He hummed and he suddenly pulled me into his arms. I could get his subtle scent. Not overpowering. I didn't feel like crying so I just returned the hug. I shifted to a more comfortable position and closed my eyes. I felt Levi run his fingers through my hair and I felt sleepy. This was perfect. I didn't hold anymore secrets. I had someone to share them all with. For the first time in centuries, I felt comfortable.


	8. Chapter 8

It had been about three months since I told my past lives' story to Levi. He hadn't done anything and we went through our lives like normal. The only difference being that we were closer now. Anytime I was triggered or had a crappy day due to my dreams, I had confided in him. It was nice for a change not hiding things from people. I could openly speak my mind with Levi and that calmed me. I still did blank out for days on end and every time that happened he'd silently fill me in on the details of the missing days. I was thankful for that. I never thought that I would ever be on good terms with the captain like this.

The school year had come to an end. We had our summer holidays. All sorts of plans had cropped up. Isabel was ecstatic that she could spend her time with us without school being a barrier. Hanji had also dropped by to meet with us and it so happened that Erwin was there too (It took some time for me to get used to the fact that he did not lose his right arm in this life). Erwin, this time, was Hanji's cousin. Luckily I caught my tongue before I blurted out his name this time. Instead I gave a knowing look and a nod to Levi. He nodded back in understanding. As the plans were being made of course Armin brought going to the beach at least every other instance so much so that the minute he opened his mouth to suggest, we reject. He frowns. The plans included laser tag competitions, paint ball, going to the museum, and lazing around (we finally did agree to go to the beach too).

We decided on going for laser tag the next evening. Today, we sat around in Jean's house. His mom had gone overseas for business as usual. That left the whole house in Jean's hands.

The next day evening we went for the game. I was thrilled at the idea. I couldn't sit in one place for long. Levi had furrowed his eyebrows when I wooed on reaching the place. I regret nothing.

We were split into two teams. Armin, Jean, Farlan and me in a team versus Levi, Isabel, Hanji and Erwin. The rules were simple. A person looses if they are shot. The last standing member, their team will win and the loosing team has to treat them to anything they want. We had to move in to our hiding spots. It was time for strategizing.

Looking at my team mates I became dead serious. We are going to win. "Okay, listen up guys." This got their attention. "There are some things you need to know about the other team. Farlan, if I'm wrong correct me." He raised a brow but nodded. "So, the person who'd plan would most definitely be Erwin. He is really good at that. Therefore, Armin, you have to help us over smart them. We need the element of surprise here. Especially when we deal with capt- Levi. Hanji may not look it, but she can also be very skilled. Levi is the most dangerous. He is fast and skilled. Around him, the priority is to dodge and _stay_ alive. I don't know about Isabel so Farlan, we need input."

Everybody looked at me stunned and Farlan looked curious. "How do you know that much about them?" He asked.

I shrugged. "I know about Levi and Hanji is also predictable."

"I've never heard anyone say _Hanji_ was predictable but okay. Though how do you know about Erwin? You just met the guy!"

"He seemed like Armin over here." I sighed. "Oh man! If Gabi was here.... She is a total wild card." Farlan laughed.

"You just explained how Isabel is. Anyways blond coconut head, plan away."

***************

The battle was intense. Everyone was serious about winning. The first person to get shot was Hanji. Farlan had shot her but in turn, he was shot by Levi. I was to take out Isabel and Jean was to cover for me. Farlan was right. On spotting me, she fired in a wild frenzy. At that moment, I felt that a machine gun would suit her. On trying to shoot her, she dodged. Barely. In one second, it happened. She shot Jean and as I was going to shoot her, Erwin intervened. I shot Erwin and Isabel tried shooting again when I fled to get cover. Just then, I heard the sound of the buzzer indicating that Armin had been shot. That meant it was just Levi, Isabel and me. Damnit! This was not going according to plan. That was when luck favored me. I spotted Isabel and took a clean shot. Just as I was cheering mentally a gun to my back made me freeze.

A deep chuckle. "You managed to last this long. Not bad." It was Levi. "Now, should I take this slow or should I shoot you now?"

He had let me turn so now I was facing him with the laser gun pointed to my chest. He was calm. I hoped I looked calm. I was in a crouching position and took advantage of that. He was about to pull the trigger when I acted quickly. I swung myself lower and lifted one leg to kick his gun off. It didn't work, he had a strong hold on it but it was enough for it slip and he fumbled for a bare few seconds. I took the opportunity to get on my feet. He took a shot but luckily I dodged and pushed him out of my way. The surprise of sudden push had caught him off guard and I jumped over an obstacle. I needed to create distance. I could feel him follow me soon and I increased my pace. Damnit! I could've shot him then. I swung myself over a high obstacle and tried to get coverage. I got a view of Levi and I took a shot. I missed. I ran to another spot. I looked out for Levi when I noticed the laser gun. I dodged just in time but fell from where I hid. It was pretty high and I had fell in such a spectacular way that it was no wonder I accidentally sprained my leg. I ran though.

There was a huge wall like obstacle. I made sure there was enough space between Levi and me so I took a much needed breath. I could feel my ankle crying out with the pain but I shook it off. It didn't seem that bad. Just as I was about to keep moving the sound from the obstacle made me look up. Just as I did, I noticed Levi perched on top and he shot me. The buzzer rang. I was shocked. He jumped down and dusted off nonexistent dust off of his person.

"You know, I was waiting for you to notice me."

"H-how did you..." I smiled. We're talking about captain Levi here. I shook my head in amusement and let out a huff of laughter. "Typical."

He looked at me blankly before glancing at my leg. "You sprained it didn't you? You idiot." At that I laughed.

"Let's go. It's not that bad." As I walked I silently winced but Levi held me. He sighed.

"C'mon. Put one arm around me." I did as told and we walked out of the arena.

As we walked out of the arena everyone walked towards us.

"Hah! I knew big bro would win. No one can beat him." Isabel said. I laughed.

"Yeah." That was when everyone noticed me clinging to Levi.

"What happened?" Armin asked.

"Ahah...Well, I may have accidentally fallen from one of the obstacles and sprained my ankle. But it's not that bad!" I rubbed my neck nervously.

Armin sighed. "You need to be more careful, Eren."

"From which obstacle did you fall?" Jean asked.

"Ummmm, It may have been that  one that looked like a tree. You know, the one where you shot Hanji."

"Holy shit! From that? Why do they even keep those kinds of obstacles in these kinds of arenas?"

"That's 'cuz it was a summer theme!" Isabel exclaimed.

"Don't worry, Eren. I'm sure there are first aid kit stuff here for cases like this. You guys go on to wherever it is we are gonna eat. Just text me the location and Eren and I'd come there." Hanji said.

"Four-eyes, you go with them. I'll stay with Eren," Levi stated.

"Aww, Levi, but I wanna stay with Eren!"

"Just shut it and go. You can help them decide where to eat right?! I'm fine with whatever."

Hanji pouted but left with the others.

****************

Just as Levi was done binding the leg, he looked up at me. "You like these kinds of things right?"

It surprised me to see Levi start a conversation but I nodded. "Yeah I do. It reminds me of those days."

Levi frowned. "You _like_ war?" My eyes widened.

"No!" I get flustered. "Well I like the feeling of running and to be honest, I like the exhilarating feeling when you fight. The sense of purpose and the pressure to save your comrades makes it......" My face brightens as I look at Levi, "It exciting. Thrilling." I then look down to where he now finished wrapping my ankle. "It makes me feel like I know what to do with my life."

Levi looks at me silently before tugging gently on my arm. "Get up. We have to go. " He checks his phone and hums.

Ten minutes later we are at the nearby ice cream shop. We could hear Isabel fighting with Farlan from all the way outside the shop and I saw Levi cringe and then sigh. I chuckle. "You know, you could write it down."

I look at Levi questioningly. "What?"

"The stories of your past life. It will help and you will feel better and as for what to do with your life? You have a lot of time to think about that. Just make sure you make the decision you regret the least." Saying this he walks inside and I follow him.

Isabel saw us and waved to us and so did Hanji. As we sat Isabel fired away.

"Big bro, how did the last bit go? I mean after I was beaten." She smiled knowingly, "I bet my distraction gave you enough time to shoot Eren!"

"No, you idiot! If he did shoot Eren they would've come out of the arena sooner. They came out after about half an hour later." Farlan fired back at Isabel. She frowned but that looked thoughtful.

"Big bro, then what happened?"

"Tch. Isabel, for the love of all good things, _try_ to keep your voice down?! We could hear you from outside the shop." Levi reprimanded and in retaliation she stuck her tongue out. "Anyways, Farlan was right. I took my sweet time and Eren took advantage of that and tried to kick the laser gun off of my hands and pushed me out of his way. In the surprise he ran for cover." He smirked at me, "You could've tried shooting me then."

I scoffed. "Yeah I could've. Don't remind me. " He smiled. It made me wonder how wound up he was in our past life and I was glad that he was more open and relaxed in this life. It was better to see the captain without burdens and death weighing him down. I smiled back. He straightened and looked back at Isabel. " Well he escaped and ran. He tried shooting me. I dodged. Vice versa. He ran and I climbed the wall-like obstacle and shot him once he noticed I was there. That's when I noticed he had a sprain. I may have heard him fall too but I'm not too sure. "In between I noticed Hanji smile mysteriously at Levi and at one point a flash of pain passed her expression before she had an even bigger grin. Everyone ignored her.

As planned, the loosing team paid and we parted ways. Just as we were going home, Levi turned to me. "Remember what I said. It might help so give it a shot." I nodded and waved him goodbye before heading home.

The rest of the night, I pondered on what Levi had said. I made up my mind. I took out an old notebook from my shelf and sat on my desk. I began writing them all. In detail.


	9. Chapter 9

We never really notice how fast time passes. When we do, we are left wondering about a lot of things. We wish we could go back in time. Undo things that would later become scars. That was why Levi had always said we needed to live and make decisions we regret the least and never look back. I always felt even without his past memories, he was skilled and smart. It soon began to haunt me. His last words from the past. He always was smart. Back in that life too. He knew how the world worked and lived by its rules and loopholes. It never failed to baffle me why he decided on ending his life back then. Yes, the trauma was bad. Yes, the horrors faced were terrifying and nightmare inducing and of course, we lost a lot of comrades and loved ones. Yet, he always stood strong. If he wanted out, he would've taken his life within the first one year or maximum two after the war ended. He never did. He had to die later on. It made me ponder on the cause. That and the fact that he had written a letter for the squad. A suicide note but for the life of me, I can't remember the contents.

The truth of the matter was, I was stuck in my writing. Just as he said, it helped me. My nightmares reduced as I kept writing. By the time I came to my last year of high school, I had come to the final chapters of my first life. I needed to continue. To write about all of them but the one thing that held me back was the letter. I couldn't go on writing if I didn't complete this. It drove me up a wall, and fast too. I was becoming irritable. I had begun getting into fights. For a simple reason as not remembering that too. The worst part was, I couldn't ask anyone either. For obvious reasons I was embarrassed to see Levi. Hence, I kept my distance from him. I could feel his vexation and the worry I instilled in my friends as the bruises showed. Sometimes a black eye, sometimes a bandage wound around my arm or a band aid on my face. Sometimes, all three. I couldn't sleep. The guilt of not knowing some ones last words and that someone being the captain made me feel like I...... No words could explain it.

Day after day, I could see my friends, mother, father worry and try to convince me on not fighting. I ignored them. Jean and I fought more often. Our friendship was on its last leg with the number of fights we had. I then up and left them. I spent my lunch on the roof.

**************

Mother cried today. I silently walked out of the house and made my way to school. This whole thing was frustrating me to no ends. I tried this time. I really tried to make sure it didn't affect me but it was useless and doubled with my growing sleep deprivation I found it hard to keep up with what was being taught. Everything became black. The first thing I saw was Levi. He was livid. I silently got up and tried to walk past him. He grabbed my arm roughly and pushed me back on to the infirmary bed.

"Do you know where and how you got here and do you know what time it is?" He practically growled.

"I'm at the infirmary because I fainted in Physics class. And the time is....." I looked at the clock in the room. It showed 1610. I sat upright ready to get up and leave. "I need to go home. Mother is probably worried."

"Jean already called her. She asked one of us to take care of you. I volunteered." I scoffed.

"You didn't have to. I could've-"

"DO YOU HAVE _ANY_ FUNCTIONING BRAIN CELLS?" I was shocked at Levi's sudden outburst. I shrank back into myself. He looked scary.

"I-I'm sorry, I don't know what you're implyi-"

" _Of course_ you don't know what  I'm implying! If you used your brain, you'd know what I'm talking about. " I look at him blankly. Finally piecing everything. He continued, "Don't you understand what you are causing? Your friends are worried. Your mom is worried and so is your dad. You've been fighting and not sleeping. I can see that you are struggling with something but you just love keeping everything bottled up don't you?"

"Don't you dare give me that!" I snap. "It's been so many years and I still don't know anything about you. Why do I have to tell you anything? It's not necessary."

His face becomes blank. "So is that what this is about? You sharing your life stories and me not telling you anything."

"NO! Of course not! What I mean is I'm not bound to tell you anything."

He sighs and rubs his face with both his hands. "You don't _need_ to tell me, but it would help. I might be of some help to you. So please, just talk." After a bit of hesitation, I decide to tell the truth.

"Levi, you know I took your idea of writing the story right?! Well I wrote up till..... The part where you die."

He stiffens but nods for me to continue.

"Well, I'm stuck." I look down at my feet with shame. "I can't....... " I swallow the lump that is in my throat. "I can't remember your suicide note. I can't remember your last words. I'm sorry. So sorry. Sorry. I'm sorry..."

He pulls me into an embrace and hushes me. He runs his hand through my hair and I can feel his cool finger tips against my warm scalp. It was soothing. So soothing in fact that I felt myself fall back into sleep. Yet I needed to tell him so I tried moving back. He held me there resisting any of my attempts to move and I gave up. "You are an idiot. I'm alive now and to be honest, last words are overrated. People say it's a bad thing to forget what another person said before they died. But to be honest, I can't even remember my dad's last words." I froze and mumbled an apology. He just laughed and shook his head. I could feel the rumbling of his chest. "I may not remember my dad's last words. I don't know if that is wrong on my part but I don't care. You remember more than you should from almost _all_ your previous lives. You don't need to remember a suicide note from a long time around. " I was about to intervene when, "Even when it has played an important role in your life. As long as you remember who wrote that letter then that's fine. The contents don't matter now. You became better and that was all that mattered. And regarding the writing.... Leave the letter's content out of it. You can make vague gestures to the letter and go on with the story. The now me won't mind that you don't remember so I can confidently presume the other Levi didn't either. So calm down. " His voice took a softer tone. Soft enough to be barely over a whisper. "You worried us all you know. Don't do that again. We don't want, no. _I_ don't want you to go through these kinds of problems again. Promise me you will come to me and tell me if something is worrying you. Please."

I nod against his chest and slowly drift off to sleep. Just as I drifted off I could feel something else touch my head but I couldn't make out what it was. I fell asleep.

I had woken up in my room and with the covers over me. I got up to continue where I left off on my book. The guilt of not remembering being only barely there.


	10. I'm really sorry

I'm really sorry but I'm not happy with this work. Also, I have school and all that. Exams and what not. So I'm going to discontinue this work. I'm really sorry! Though I'd put it up again after this year and finally attempt to edit that one before posting sooo... Yeah. This work will be discontinued. I am so sorry! 


End file.
